28 June 2010

The BET Awards '10 Blog

I save up all my BET watching minutes for one night: the BET Awards.  During the telecast, I'm generally underwhelmed and embarrassed for black people.  That last part is a lie.  Still, the BET Awards is how I up my hater stamina.  If I can sit through the entire show and say at least 50 snarky things, then I still deserve the appellation hater.  I call the whole process brandishing my hate game.

I live blogged the Awards show.  I share it with you this morning.  May it momentarily assuage your case of the Mondays.



19:01 Is this Kanye as Moses?  He's on a mountain.  Is the microphone stand his staff?

19:03 Still waiting for the 10 Commandments

19:05 Drinking game: Take a shot every time Queen Latifah overheteros [acts obnoxiously straight] during this telecast.

19:08 Drink up!

19:09 FREE LIL WAYNE!

19:10 Queen Latifah just called Trey Songz sexy, and asked him to take off his shirt. CHUG A LUG!

19:11 This BET Awards is the poor man's version of, well, the BET Awards.

19:13 Queen Latifah raps!  Gee, I hope she's freestyling.

19:22 Queen Latifah assumed the audience saw Chicago. #fail  I so thought she was about to imitate Tyler Perry.

19:24 Dear Usher, Kanye needs his smoke machine back after this performance.

19:30 Nicki Minaj's wardrobe provided by David's Bridal.

19:30 I hope Weezy can see this telecast in jail.

19:35 Who's writing Queen Latifah's jokes? Common?

19:37 This show has to be on a 45-minute delay. #TIperformance

19:39 For the record, I did not like Love Jones. In fact, I think I blame it for my aversion to spoken word. Love Nia Long, though.  LOVE HER.  (Call me.)

19:40 Has Larenz Tate been in a movie since Love Jones?

19:44 Drake just said his mom was a single mother. On stage.  At the BET awards.  As if he was saying something notable.

19:45 Two bucks says Drake plays a young Obama in the biopic.

19:50 Queen Latifah's skits are like In Living Colour out takes. Or something.

19:52 Why does Alicia Keys sing like that? That whole screamy, breathy, whiny thing ain't cool.

19:53 When I say I like an Alicia Keys song, I mean that I want someone else to sing it.

19:54 Kim Burrell.  Do not sing with her, Alicia. [...]  She should've listened to me.

20:04 BET, Dorothy Height hates you.

20:10 What does it mean that the most talented person to perform so far at the BET Awards is a white guy? [Eminem]

20:12 of course the white guy would be backed by a gospel choir. #likeaprayer #iwanttoknowwhatloveis

20:15 Why does Deniece Williams look like an extra from Beetlejuice?

20:19 Queen Latifah just came out...in character as Cleo.

20:21 The theme for the BET Awards: Smoke machines

20:25 Seriously, the smoke machinists' union must've threatened BET.

20:31 Quick. Guess how much gel is in Jermaine Jackson's hair.

20:31 Speaking of Jermaine Jackson's hair, why hasn't BP called him?

20:32 So BET rectifies last year's hastily composed Michael Jackson  "tribute" by having Chris Brown perform?

20:35 The kid can moonwalk, though.

20:38 Chris Brown is crying to "Man in the Mirror." #wedontbelieveyouyouneedmorepeople

20:39 All these MJ imitators remind us just how great he was. That's my silver lining, I guess.

20:46 Drake's pre-performance thought bubble: What would Weezy do?

20:50 Is it ok that I want Drake to tear his ACL right now?

20:50 Is Diggy Simmons performing tonight?  He should.

20:51 If Drake is the best rapper out right now, then rap sucks.

20:58 The Black Eyed Peas can go straight to corporate hell.  Oh wait.  Nevermind.

20:59 Trey Songz winzzzz an award. First Jesus shout out of the night.

20:01 God bless El DeBarge. Glad to see his hair is still good. #geneticconk

21:05 I still feel the beat of the rhythm of the night. #80sbaby

21:06 Can El sing that jam from Short Circuit--"Who's Johnny?"

21:11 This Teddy P. tribute isn't that bad.  Still, I miss Coca-Cola commercial Tyrese.

21:15 Ok. We all now know why Kirk Franklin doesn't sing.

21:17 I wish Kim Burrell's presence would make the rest of these women stop singing.

21:19 I don't care how many women were shaking their butts on stage before this moment.  We will have church.

21:24 John Legend is so lucky Stevie, Elton, Billy, etc. got famous years ago. #stepawayfromthepiano

21:25 John Legend, it's a humanitarian award, but it's from BET.

21:36 Prince is so mad at Trey Songz right now. #purplepain

21:37 Prince's thought bubble: I could've been making pancakes.

21:49 Mad love to Janelle Monae for being fully clothed on stage.  Not a fan of this performance, though.

21:53 BET must have blindly picked from the "Alternative Negro" section of their rolodex for this Prince tribute.

21:53 If I were Prince, I'd walk out right now.

21:55 No one is ever going to use that piano again.  Thanks, Alicia Keys.

21:59 Patti freaking LaBelle

22:00 Prince will be wearing Patti's shoes at some point in the future.  Trust.

22:10 Was Chris Brown supposed to win an award?  Is BET making an effort to rehabilitate his career?

4 comments:

C.L. Jones said...

Bwwwhhhhahhaaa. I don't have BET so I had to catch the 'good' parts on Youtube. You're right about the 'alternative Negro' section on that prince tribute, but it really wasn't that bad.

AC said...

lord knows things like this are reasons that make me love you the more! lol

adz said...

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