31 January 2011

A (Friendly) Reminder

Antoine Dodson's fifteen minutes are not over yet.  Last week, I learned (via Twitter, duh), that Dodson, who became (internet) famous when his rant to the local news was remixed by The Gregory Brothers into "The Bed Intruder Song," has already begun filming a reality show based upon his move from the Alabama projects to West Hollywood (of course).  This should make for good television, as Dodson is charming (in both the southern and gay sense), has enough (gay) slang to keep the allegedly hetero masses tuning in weekly for lessons, and looks fierce in a pair of women's jeans.

24 January 2011

The Sweetest Thing

I cannot quit Lauryn Hill.

Several days ago, if you had asked me what I might entitle my post-Hill Chicago show blog, I would have said something like "Ex-Factor," "Lost One," or "Losing Lauryn."  Instead, I sit here, after witnessing my first Lauryn Hill show in years, having named this entry after my favorite Lauryn Hill song. 

17 January 2011

Sing, Sing Celebrate

Today is MLK Day, and if you're lucky, you're chilling in bed reading this on your smartphone.  Or perhaps you're not reading this at all.  And that's cool.  Rosa Parks didn't refuse to give up her seat on a bus for you to be reading blogs on your vacation day.

For those who are reading this, I won't keep you.  Last week's Huck Finn entry may qualify as the longest entry ever.  Moreover, the only thing I really had to say about MLK, I said last year in an entry you can read here.  Since I know you're going to spend your MLK Day taking in an enlightening lecture and/or reflecting on all that Dr. King has done for your life, I've decided to take a more ignorant road.  Here's how not to honor the life of Martin Luther (the) King:

If you have to work today, do not curse out your supervisor for reminding you to bring in doughnuts and coffee for the morning meeting.  Saying, "Dr. King didn't march so I could bring breakfast to my co-workers," is a thoroughly inappropriate use of his legacy.  Besides it was your turn, and Krispy Kreme is on your way to the office, anyway. 

Putting a Colored Only sign above the work water cooler is only funny in theory.  Trust me on this one.  Save it for April Fool's Day.

Do not show up to your King Day of service hungover.  Stay in bed; sleep it off.  Just wait until next year.  Besides, no Head Start wants the person reading Of Thee I Sing to be reeking of alcohol.  Seriously, they really don't want your kind.  The fact that you thought Kognac and King looked and sounded catchy enough to put on a flier was already appalling.  But the fact that you imbibed enough to be in the middle of the dance floor singing "freedom ring on it" instead of "put a ring on it" was just too much.  Nah, dog. It wasn't a good look.  You need a time out.

Do not participate in a sit-in held at the university president's office door because you heard there weren't enough volumes in your black culture center's library.  Why?  Because you only know where it is because your fraternity used their basement for step practice.  If you're joining the protest to get next to an activist cutie, however, I fully support this move. 

Do not tweet or populate your Facebook status with MLK quotes you just Googled.  Why? Because it's a lazy thing to do.  And the internet lies.  "The path to justice and equality can only be illuminated by the light of human kindness and love." - Martin Luther King.  Nope. not Martin Luther King.  I just made that up.  See how the internet lies?

By all means, do watch this video:

And this one:

Happy Martin Luther King Day, kids.

10 January 2011

Today in Post-Race History: Nigger x 219

*Someone please cue my righteous indignation music*

It seems that we have officially reached the end of days.  Birds are falling out of the sky; dead fish are coming in with the tide.  News outlets are doing their best not to refer to Jared Loughner's acts as ones of terrorism, and simply make efforts to describe him as a crazy person (because white people only do this kind of thing when they are mentally unstable, and we all know how violent mentally unstable people are.  Besides, it's only terrorism if you shoot Americans in the name of Allah.).  And soon you will be able to read Huck Finn without ever having to set eyes upon the word, nigger.

Why is Will Smith busy being a stage dad when we need him most?

06 January 2011

Chapter 31: A Preface

I'm going to post about the Huck Finn controversy on Monday, but in the meantime, I wanted to put something on the blog about it as, perhaps, a kind of teaser or preface.

I had read Twain's novel when I was a kid.  I didn't return to it again until college, when it was assigned to me by a professor, Bob Lamb--a remarkably nice man from the Bronx who loved the Yankees and rocked cowboy boots to class--in an honors American literature course.  These many years later, there are few moments I (fondly) recall in English lectures, but Professor Lamb's discussions were always rewarding, thoughtful, and enlightening; what he he said of Huck Finn, chapter 31 in particular has always stuck with me, and I've carried the memory with me all these years.  It's been an incredibly helpful weapon in this battle with graduate school, and a nice reminder of my love for literature and why fiction is so important.

03 January 2011

Summer M.'s Predictions for 2011

Admittedly, this blog is about a week late.  Teena Marie's unfortunate and untimely death caused me to bump my 2011 predictions back a week.  I'm not sure if I can technically call the following statements predictions since we are already a few days into the new year.  Nonetheless, I prognosticate for you, dear audience.  I will try my best not to cheat or be any lazier than I usually am.  And by lazy, I mean I won't predict anything (unfortunate) about Tyler Perry or Oprah Winfrey or how I plan to use my fantasy football winnings to adopt a puppy and name him Vick.  (Although if you'd like to read what I tweeted during Barbara Walters' interview of the Divine Ms. O, you may see that here.)  Instead, I offer the following hopes for the new year:


Barbara Walters interviewed Oprah. I tweeted about it, pretending to interpret O's words.

"barbara, if you ask me a fucked up question, i will have the ghost of madame cj walker come burn your scalp."

"ben franklin wants me to replace him on the hundred dollar bill. but i told him my money was too long for that."

"nigga, the mayans couldn't predict me."

"barack obama sold me fort knox. and i got a tax credit for it."

"when i'm done, white people will be asking for 40 acres and a mule."
"i didn't have children because you mere mortals don't deserve to set eyes upon my seed."

"i could impregnate gayle if i wanted to--and she'd have a white baby."

"when i say thyroid, i mean pork chop."

"dr. phil is an octoroon."

"on the low, the theme song i sang--"run on"--is a negro spiritual [subtly giving my people instructions on how to find their way to freedom]."

"frederick douglass is secretly in charge of my book club."

after the last tweet, i should say a few hail marys. i'm not catholic.

"i do favorite things b/c the audience's faces look like their ancestors' during a slave revolt."

"tyler perry is really my son."

"i dress up as jim crow for halloween, barbara."

"michael jackson is chillin' in my santa barbara compound making pancakes for tupac and steadman."

"nigga, i'm recolonizing the world. one 'amaaaazing' at a time. globalize deez nuts!"

"i'm calling the network OWN. to remind you of what you did to my people."

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