03 January 2011

#Innergangsteroprah


Barbara Walters interviewed Oprah. I tweeted about it, pretending to interpret O's words.



"barbara, if you ask me a fucked up question, i will have the ghost of madame cj walker come burn your scalp."

"ben franklin wants me to replace him on the hundred dollar bill. but i told him my money was too long for that."


"nigga, the mayans couldn't predict me."

"barack obama sold me fort knox. and i got a tax credit for it."

"when i'm done, white people will be asking for 40 acres and a mule."
"i didn't have children because you mere mortals don't deserve to set eyes upon my seed."


"i could impregnate gayle if i wanted to--and she'd have a white baby."


"when i say thyroid, i mean pork chop."

"dr. phil is an octoroon."

"on the low, the theme song i sang--"run on"--is a negro spiritual [subtly giving my people instructions on how to find their way to freedom]."

"frederick douglass is secretly in charge of my book club."

after the last tweet, i should say a few hail marys. i'm not catholic.

"i do favorite things b/c the audience's faces look like their ancestors' during a slave revolt."

"tyler perry is really my son."

"i dress up as jim crow for halloween, barbara."

"michael jackson is chillin' in my santa barbara compound making pancakes for tupac and steadman."

"nigga, i'm recolonizing the world. one 'amaaaazing' at a time. globalize deez nuts!"

"i'm calling the network OWN. to remind you of what you did to my people."

4 comments:

safire blew said...

well, what can i say, nigga? you still got it.

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