#Innergangsteroprah

Barbara Walters interviewed Oprah. I tweeted about it, pretending to interpret O's words.



"barbara, if you ask me a fucked up question, i will have the ghost of madame cj walker come burn your scalp." #innergangsteroprah

"ben franklin wants me to replace him on the hundred dollar bill. but i told him my money was too long for that." #innergangsteroprah

"nigga, the mayans couldn't predict me." #innergangsteroprah

"barack obama sold me fort knox. and i got a tax credit for it." #innergangsteroprah

"when i'm done, white people will be asking for 40 acres and a mule." #innergangsteroprah

"i didn't have children because you mere mortals don't deserve to set eyes upon my seed." #innergangsteroprah

"i could impregnate gayle if i wanted to--and she'd have a white baby." #innergangsteroprah

"when i say thyroid, i mean pork chop." #innergangsteroprah

"dr. phil is an octoroon." #innergangsteroprah

"on the low, the theme song i sang--"run on"--is a negro spiritual [subtly giving my people instructions on how to find their way to freedom]." #innergangsteroprah

"frederick douglass is secretly in charge of my book club." #innergangsteroprah

after the last tweet, i should say a few hail marys. i'm not catholic.

"i do favorite things b/c the audience's faces look like their ancestors' during a slave revolt." #innergangsteroprah

"tyler perry is really my son." #innergangsteroprah

"i dress up as jim crow for halloween, barbara." #innergangsteroprah

"michael jackson is chillin' in my santa barbara compound making pancakes for tupac and steadman." #innergangsteroprah

"nigga, i'm recolonizing the world. one 'amaaaazing' at a time. globalize deez nuts!" #innergangsteroprah

"i'm calling the network OWN. to remind you of what you did to my people." #innergangsteroprah