hail to the hater: things i've learned and/or thought about during the election cycle

• um, if we are the ones we have been waiting for, didn't some of y'all just vote for the wrong nigga?
• and while i'm at it, if you've been waiting all your life for this, does that mean you can die now?
  
• oprah had a shirt on yesterday that said, "a bold new world." that's not too far off from "brave new world(order)" is it?
  
• an election party is some real white shit. it is essentially the celebration (or the exorcism of disappointment) of a white person's mood when he/she voted that morning.
  
• can't we come up with a law that limits this whole thing to nine months? seriously, if one can have a baby in 9 months, can't one run for president in nine months? or fewer?
• change i can believe in: taking some of the change obama raised, and helping folks get out of foreclosure. that woulda got you even more votes than the infomercial. trust me.
• i woke up this morning, and i'm still in chicago. i know this isn't the promised land, because a homeless nigga asked me for money on my way to the bus stop, and there are still flashing police cameras on my street. joshua generation my (black) ass.
  
• obama elected: i guess i have a reason to live (or die?). i'm breathing better already. inhale...exhale...
  
• i want to smack the shit out of jesse jackson. more than i want to smack the shit out of roland martin. and i really can't stand roland martin.
• and while i'm at it, all these non-CRM i-cried-my-eyes-out-we-have-overcome-yes-we-did niggas can get the bozack. catch a cab in new york. i dare you.
  
• i swear to god, if another white person asks another black person, "did you ever think you would ever live to see this day?"--and said black person answers with words-- i will join the new black panthers. (why is my beef with white liberals on tv so hard to understand? like nas said, "it ain't hard to tell.")
  
• now that he has won, i submit that the folks over at tvland digitize an image of barack obama next to black jesus, so he can be in seen every episode of good times. ain't we lucky we got 'em?
• maybe it's me, but this is the first time i've seen craig robinson's white wife all in the open like this.
• i really should've watched the real housewives of atlanta. fake is the new real.
• congratulations, negroes. you have now been recognized as citizens. psyche!
• where's the nearest army-navy store? 2012 soon come.
  

dear mr. president(-elect),

i know i'm the divisive asshole you've warned your flock against, but thanks for extending an olive branch last night by saying you were still my president. mighty white of you.

love,
summer of sam